Hi friends, I hope that my life stories does bring you back to your childhood memories, or at least allow you to understand and get a clearer picture that some events happened because there is something to learn out of it.
In this story, it will be divided into 3 parts. It’s like a mini series. It will be broken down to – before, during and after divorce. (This is purely based on what I see when I was young) I didn’t really ask my parents what was the actual reason but I concluded it on my own. And adults being adults they have their own reason that I would never understand when I was younger.
Up till this date, I didn’t really ask them because of the fear of the reason. Also because that it isn’t a pleasant experience to dig further. Life has to go on, and there are more opportunities ahead instead. (Why tie yourself to the past when the future is brighter. Let it go. Let it go. Or even better, let God and let go.)
I am going to be very open to you friends and showing my vulnerable side with my story. This will be the most sensitive topic that I will write and share about. For me, I hold my family dear to me especially my mother. From my previous post, I really love the atmosphere of family eating together.
My nature self is that I love peace and harmony. When things are in harmony and peace, it will bring me a sense of happiness and I feel like I belong in that area. If it doesn’t happen the way that I wanted it, then I will resent and be sad.
For me, the life changing moment was when the divorce happened. A lot of things changed, including myself and it wasn’t an easy process to go through. I could say that this was the rock bottom moment for me. And when you hit rock bottom, the only way is to go, is up. (Thankfully, I had the right friends, good support and mindset at that time) This was also the time that I began to mature and started to be more responsible of myself.
While writing this, it didn’t bring me good memories. In fact, it was a painful one. Please note that I have already gotten over it since many years has passed and I have gotten help over time. But I hope that this mini series would bring some life lessons to you as it did for me or at least to understand those friends who have undergo similar situations like me.
At the end of the part 3, I will share with you the postive side of what I learned from the negative part of my life. So, do follow through my mini series and let me know your thoughts. Enough writing about the introduction, let’s dive into the story…
Before The Divorce
When I was around 4 years old or below, I would wake up either from a bad dream, or just at a weird timing, and I would walk into my parents room and snuggle in between them. (Ah, the cosy warm feeling. Thankfully, they were sleeping and not doing anything else) I would say that this was the best memory of me with my parents. Of course, this was my happy moment. I always would snuggle closer to my mother side. I think the fact that she was a full time housewife made more sense that I am closer to her. Which meant that I spent more time with her at home.
I used to remember that when I was naughty in school or I messed up at home, she would take a red hangar and chase after me. Being the clever kid, I ran around the house. Luckily, I had a big dining table. So I can run around and my mother would never catch me. It’s like we are playing catching while I’m crying because I was scared. After countless of times circling the table, she gave up. I looked at her being tired and just went up to her and she gave me a hug. I think that no mother would have the courage to beat their children. It’s only due to love that they have to discipline through that way. (I think there are other better ways but let’s just agree that during my point of time, it works)
That’s the furthest I could recall in my childhood times. I don’t think my childhood was that great. But it does serve its purpose. As I grew up, I stopped entering my parents room to snuggle in between them. I was growing up and becoming a big boy. I shall let them have some privacy by themselves. Also, big boys aren’t reliant on their parents. That’s what I thought. So I don’t want to be clingy else I would be seen as a mummy’s boy. (We know that this is usually what society sees it as)
As I was growing up, I think I rarely see my father as he would be busy working to provide for the family. Most of the times, he would be back late at night, which means that I was already asleep. I only get to see him in the morning, where I am preparing to go to school. After a while, my mother told me that she needs to work too. I think she took some part time job to also provide for the family. In the end, I rarely see my mother when I reached home from school. If I’m not mistaken, she will be back during dinner time.
There was lesser interaction at home as everyone was busy with their work, school, and friends. Since my mother and father was working, the responsibilities had to fall on my eldest brother. He had to take care of the house as well as take care of us. Though not as great as my mother, I think that he does a good job as a brother.
Every day passed by, just like that. It’s just me going to school, learning here and there and talking to my friends then heading back home. It became some sort of a norm for me to not see my parents at home especially during dinner time. (I think there were rare occasion that we would sit down together and have dinner. At that rare occasion, I would keep adding rice to my plate repeatedly. Maybe because I was in a good mood and so my appetite grew.)
Most of the time, I would just do my thing, be it homework or reading and never bothering anyone. This carried on for years and this kind of atmosphere is what I’m used to. I was always in my own room minding my own business.
I can’t recall the exact year but we had to move house several times. Each time we would move house, the house would be smaller and smaller. We were downgrading and not upgrading. I think there was a tension building up when I was 10 years old or maybe much earlier than that. (I can’t really know when) As we moved in to our house for the third time, this happened…
One day, while I was in my room resting, I heard a noise outside. As I was approaching my door, it seems like it was my mother and father were raising their voice at one another. Puzzled at what’s really happening, I went out to take a look. I saw my mother and father confronting each other. I looked pass them and saw through the window and noticed that the corridor lights were on which meant that it was already at night. But it wasn’t really late night. They were throwing words at each other for quite some time. Like they were in some heated debate competition. Unfortunately, there weren’t prize to be won.
I witness it for roughly a few minutes and they stopped it. Probably because I went out and it wasn’t nice to be quarrelling in front of your kids. So after a while, they went into their corners like a boxing match. My mother entered my room and my father was at the living room. Both taking some rest after punching each other with words and this kind of thing would be draining to one’s energy level.
“What in the world just happened?” I questioned myself in my mind. I stood frozen for a while. I was quite stunned at what happened. It took me quite some time to even digest that event. Just when I get to see both of them at home, this is the result. Well, in my thoughts were “if they were both at home together and they were quarrelling, might as well they just lead their own life, like last time” (Such evil thoughts I have)
It wasn’t a pleasant sight to witness and it isn’t something that I would like to see either. I am a person that is diplomatic in every thing I do. I remembered the time where I would hang out and play games with my cousins and we were playing a game on those gaming console. If I wasn’t mistaken, it’s the Xbox and we are playing FIFA. I’m not great in FIFA and I didn’t really like to play soccer.
In soccer, there are two teams and there would be bound to be losers or someone who wouldn’t be happy after the whole match. Anyway, since I always try to be neutral, I would always like to play games that are cooperative rather than to versus each other. So in this case, what I did was I told them that I would like to play in the same team as them. So the other team was managed by bots (computers) that were set by what difficult we want to be in.
Luckily, they agreed to it. If we win, we win together and if we lost, we lost together. I think in the end of the day, it’s either every one is happy or everyone is sad. Unlike, if were to to play separately and challenge each other. (Wouldn’t it be like a win-lose situation) That’s not healthy in any relationship over the long run.
Back to my story, things weren’t so well at home. It was always cold to be at home. At that point of time, I could sense that my parents weren’t very stable in their relationship. And I supposed that there were underlying issues that were never addressed or couldn’t be solved that built up till to the point where both of them couldn’t take it and they both lash it out on each other.
I used to watch those Chinese drama because they were so interesting. There were no netflix at that time. Usually, the genre that the Chinese drama would produce would be plays in family, romance and some mythical stories of the past. If I’m not mistaken they used to broadcast it around 7pm or 9pm.
During that year, they were broadcasting the family series. So, this kind of scene reminds me like those plays that I watch on the television. It’s like playing live instead of the television. Of course, when I watch it through the television, I can’t really capture the moment or the atmosphere during the quarrel. I would think of it like it’s just a script and these were entertaining purposes. (Were those script actually based real life scenarios? or were they just ideas that people may go through?)
Nevertheless, I was still confused and shocked at the incident. I didn’t want to get between them. Nor did i want to ask them about what’s the occasion about. As a kid, I was always taught to respect our parents or elders. I felt that I didn’t have the rights to ask since I saw somewhere probably in the drama that these were adult issues that I should not ask.
That’s all for the first part to this mini series, the second part will be posted soon. So stay tune. Do subscribe to my newsletter to catch and not miss any of my new blog post every week!