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In my third part of my parent’s “the divorce” series, I mentioned that my thoughts made them divorce. I held on to this belief for over a year or so. This belief didn’t serve its good to me. But I’m glad it’s off my mind.

I remembered this one incident when I was in my first or second year of secondary school. I was around 12 – 13 years old. I think I grew slightly rebellious in class. I would only be attentive in class when I find the teacher or the subject enjoyable.

I think there were several times where I would challenge the teacher by refusing to do something. I think the other teachers shared their feedback with my form teacher.

There was this one class that the teacher didn’t turn up. The teacher probably reported sick. A teacher from another department had to relieve the lesson. The teacher informed us to do our homework or reading. If we are busy reading our book or doing our homework, the class should be quiet. But it wasn’t.

Since it was a free and easy period, I talked to my friend beside me. I think the teacher pointed it out to me to be quiet. But I didn’t listen. I kept on talking and ignoring the teacher.

After being patient with me, the teacher raised her voice. I immediately fought back and questioned the teacher. The class became silent all of a sudden. Throughout the conversation, there was no violence or any form of intimidating act. We were only exchanging words.

She threatened me to inform my form teacher about this incident. Which I gladly told her to do so. I didn’t give myself a quick thought. I was burning up at that time.

Guess what? The next day, in the morning, my form teacher called me out of the classroom. She questioned me about what had happened. I told her exactly what she needed to know.

I only informed my form teacher about my situation at home and my family. So I guess she knew that my rebellious moment was about what I am going through at that time. Knowing this, I think she decided to look for ways to help me. So she sought professional help in my school.

The next thing I knew was that she had referred me to a counsellor. The reason I went was the fact that because my form teacher genuinely cared about my wellbeing. I trusted her and went ahead.

While in the room with the counsellor, I got bombarded with a lot of whys. In my thought process was like, does this counsellor even know how to do her job. If her work was to ask why all the time, I could even replace her.

Each time I gave her an answer, she would return with a why. This conversation went on several times until I broke it to her about my current situation at home. All of a sudden, she stopped asking me why.

She assured me that this isn’t my fault. Furthermore, it’s beyond my control. After that day, I think I released a huge burden off my shoulder. I feel like I begin to see things from a different perspective.

Honestly, I found it irritating. But it did serve its purpose.

Through counselling, I have learned that not everything is my fault. The decision that my parents made was nothing to do with my thoughts. It was their own decision. It showed me that there are things that are beyond my control.

My thoughts didn’t impact them. But I made it seem like it. I blamed myself for something that isn’t my fault. How silly I was at that age.

Looking back, I am very grateful to my teacher for recommending me to the counsellor. I am also proud of myself for giving myself the chance to express myself and trust the counsellor.

Is there anything that you are blaming yourself? The ones that you have no control over. If there is, try to let it go. There is no point in keeping it to yourself.

Stop thinking that it’s your fault. Accept that we have no control over everything. Gradually accept the fact and move on. I know it’s not easy for you. But after letting go of this load on your mind, you will find it easier to progress further.

If you are still unclear about your thoughts, use the method the counsellor used on me. Keep asking yourself why repetitively. After digging deeper, you will find that answer. Then you will know what to do next.

Until you stop blaming and become positively self-critical you are not going to move forward.

Bryant McGill, Simple Reminders: Inspiration for Living Your Best Life

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